Why Being Respected By Your Students Is More Important Than Being Liked

Please forgive me if this post seems like a long-winded rant, but these are feelings I need to get off my chest.

We've all had a variety of teachers growing up - the mean ones, the nice ones, the funny ones - the list goes on. One label many young teachers these days want under their belt is being the ”cool” teacher. While there is absolutely nothing wrong with being liked, it is even more important to be respected. Believe it or not, being liked and being respected can often be two different things. Mutual respect between students and the teacher is necessary for a safe and productive learning environment, no matter the content, school, or grade level.

I will always remember my cooperating teacher saying, “I don’t need 13-year-old friends. I have grown adult friends.” That stuck with me because that was her not-so-secret to being a respected educator. She prioritized being the adult in the room, and while she was extremely fair, she was the one in control of her classroom. She held students accountable while also being a helping hand. She found ways to engage her students in the content that would be appropriate for their levels and interests. She allowed for some playful, relationship-building conversations to happen while not getting the kids totally off task. She never feared her students, especially in the realm of being liked. She set the standard that learning and becoming a well-rounded individual was the goal of her class, and most students rose to it. Even with this mindset, students seemed to generally like her. And the ones that didn’t still respect her!

Classrooms should be seen as a space for learning, not just a hangout spot. A former colleague of mine was always afraid of being a hated teacher. They gave the kids snacks under the guise of Maslow in exchange for TikTok comments on their page and "*teacher name* is the best!" notes that they could post to their socials daily. Anytime they would attempt to reprimand students, they would give them a hard time.

I know many of you will say “kids can’t learn if they’re hungry!” or “you need the students to like you in order for them to learn!” when you read this blog post. But I want to remind you that we need to be the adults in the room first and foremost. We need to set a good example for our students by maintaining healthy boundaries in our relationships with them. Only then can they learn to do the same with other people in their lives. Also, most schools serve breakfast and lunch daily - they don't need a bag of Takis or Pixie Stix from you just because.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that healthy teacher-student relationships come from mutual respect. Healthy student-teacher relationships are what drives student success. So how can you be respected?

• Set clear expectations and boundaries from day one. If you set the bar with reasonable standards, students will rise to it.

• Make whatever you teach engaging, hands-on, and relevant to them.

• Build rapport with students! Be the coach, mentor, and role model.

• Keep your personal life personal. If a child wants to contact you, odds are that you have a district email.

• Remember that it is OKAY if a student doesn't like you! Not everyone is going to like every single person they meet in life. The same applies in the education world.

A current colleague of mine, who happens to be Teacher of the Year, said it best: "I just do my job and teach the kids. If they end up liking me and think my class is the best, that's just icing on the cake."